By the time you read this, I will be on vacation, not home. I decided to get out of town, even if it’s still in Florida. Still, I try to do one of these birthday essays once a year just as a way of checking in with myself and with you, my readers (I appreciate both of you) to see where I am with respect to myself or the world.

I’m coming more and more to know the sort of person I am and the sort of person I am not, and I’m willing to accept both. I am very much an introvert, for example. I can go hours or even days at a time without engaging in much verbal conversation. Much of the time my apartment is even quiet as I start my day: no radio, no TV, just me, the sounds of my daily routine, and whatever foolishness is buzzing about in my head. This does not mean I dislike people, merely that I don’t seem to require the presence of another person in my domicile. In fact, I’m usually more relaxed if I don’t have company. My habits are those of someone who requires a “Fortress of Solitude,” and is increasingly aware that such a lifestyle is likely to keep people at a distance. So be it.

I am still not an athlete, nor do I desire to be. Those of you who feel the urge to climb a mountain or run a marathon–God bless. You can take my turn. I won’t stop you, but don’t feel you have to invite me to your quest. My favorite physical activity is walking through aesthetically pleasing landscapes, interesting architecture, or preferably both. I can walk anywhere from one mile to ten at a stretch and do not notice or mind the passing of time. It’s hard to say what I’m thinking about on these walks. Often I’m not thinking at all, but merely using the exercise as a way to clear my mind and the scenery as a way to relax it. A long stroll through a museum would probably do me just as well.

I’m a very serious person, despite my verbal habits of wit and sarcasm. My reading list consists of a lot of philosophy, history, science fiction, and other such things that help me ponder or understand Big Questions. It’s all very abstract, dry, and contemplative. My musical tastes have been shifting, too. Not as much ’80s pop or John Williams soundtracks while I’m writing, more Mozart, Beethoven, or other classics.

Vexed by some of the rather angry chatter I’ve seen on Facebook, I’ve ratcheted down that hourly habit to something closer to a brief daily lurk before I find other things to do. The extra free time has allowed me to catch up on my long-neglected reading list, and so I’m trying to take a good whack at reading those books I’ve meant to read for a decade. So far, so good. Thirty-four books read this year; only 197 more to go before I can start adding books back onto the list again. I’m sure some will come to mind.

On the whole, thanks to a very loose freelance schedule that still manages to pay the bills, I’ve become less of a workaholic. I’ll do whatever work is in front of me gladly until the pile has dwindled, then I set thoughts of work aside and go read a book or take another walk in the vegetable-steamer heat of summer in Florida. Slowly, I’m learning how to be inactive, to take pleasure in downtime. This is a big shift, as I spent much of my time from 25 to 45 thinking about work. On the whole, I think this is a good thing.

Politically, I remain a gentleman of the Right, though more and more I find myself in the Libertarian camp, especially as the two most prominent prospects for president this year fill me with equal dismay. I maintain very strict standards for myself (and very definite opinions about others) but I have no interest in inflicting my personal morality on other people. Nor am I particularly interested in having someone else’s ideas foisted on my unwillingly. I live by an increasingly outmoded notion of “Live and let live.” I figure it’ll be appreciated somewhere down the line.

Otherwise, to quote that great philosopher Popeye, I am what I am: a graying, somewhat overweight, middle-aged and self-contained Anglo who usually has a book, pen, or computer in his hand. Eventually I’ll think of something useful to do with all the ideas I have in my head, but for now I keep on living my life, hopeful that eventually it’ll all make sense at some point or, barring that, I’ll do something constructive to do with myself that makes me feel like the journey has been worth the fare.

And so I celebrate living another year on this blue planet, curious to see what happens next.


The Introvert’s Guide to Orlando: Universal Orlando Resort Area

Yesterday I took an eight-mile hike around the Universal Orlando property to gather what intel I could muster for their resort area. I haven’t been to Universal Studios or Islands of Adventure in years, partly because a park full of screaming people isn’t something this particular introvert likes to do. However, I realize that some of you introverted types probably enjoy roller coasters anyway, so I’ll break down at some point, buy a ticket, and do an introvert review of those two parks. Today you can enjoy my quiet-time insights into the rest of the Universal property…most of it, at any rate.

Note: Updated October 15 to include Sapphire Falls

General Insights/Tips

The Universal property is much smaller than the Walt Disney World Resort and contains only two theme parks, an entertainment/shopping complex, and five resorts. The two theme parks and entertainment complex (CityWalk) are adjacent to each other, with the resorts connected to them via roads and a 2.5-mile walking path (“Garden Walk”). It’s more compact, but that doesn’t mean it’s a small property. Make sure you have comfortable walking shoes. And hey, it’s summer in Florida–stay hydrated and bring sunblock.

Okay, end of lecturing.

The centralized parking lot for the parks is massive–two multi-level garages labeled by characters from the attractions, akin to Disney–and costs just as much as the Disney lots for a standard car ($20). One thing that I found confusing is that rather than giving each level a character name, they divide the sections vertically, meaning you get Spiderman on levels 1, 2, 3, etc. Just passing it along.

Next thing about parking: unlike Disney, there are no trams to get you to the main gate. There is a designated handicap-access parking lot, but that’s about it. I clocked about a mile over the elevated walkway from Spiderman 452 to the gate, partly because I forgot my journal and had to go back for it, but even so, you’ve got some exercise ahead. You can park at one of the resorts–preferably if you’re a guest–but the day parking there is not cheap, either: $34 a day/$29 for overnight at Hard Rock Hotel, just as an example.

The last overall comment I can offer up for the questing introvert: Universal is noisy. The background music is meant to be exciting! Another translation might be: “We keep the background sound going loud enough to keep you moving.” The public areas in CityWalk and the walkways leading to the theme parks (you pass through CW to get to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, hereafter US and IOA) include music everywhere, all the time. Rock or pop tunes, mostly. Even on those occasions where they play a song I like, the volume is still UP THERE, especially in the evening. No, I’m not going to ask these noisy kids to get off of my lawn. I’m just explaining the audio experience as I experienced it. You’re not at a theme park to sit around and enjoy the quiet, are you? Oh, wait…

Fortunately, there are places you can avoid the noise and the crowds, and that’s what I’m here to report.


The first place you might escape the chaos is right inside the CityWalk entry: Universal Cineplex–go see a movie. Of course you’re likely to find a lot of action movies, but you’d have that in any movie theater.

During our hot, steamy days in Central Florida, when most people are in the parks, you can find seating at the restaurants and outside restaurants or saloons. There is also a grassy seating area that leads down to a stage. When there isn’t a band playing on the stage, the area is pretty crowd-free, though it is also shade-free.

The restaurants on the upper level of City Walk– Bob Marley’s, Pat O’Brien’s*, and Antojito’s–are open starting around 4 p.m. and operate until 10 p.m. or so. Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville is open 10:30 a.m.-Midnight Monday through Thursday, 10:30 a.m.-1 a.m. Friday-Sunday. They don’t start getting busy until the parks get near closing time, though I suspect Margaritaville gets busy at lunch time, too. Like the public areas, the restaurants include their own interior music. The benefits of finding a restaurant are fewer people and more air conditioning.

(*A special thanks to Tim O’Hara, the Illinoisan bartender at Pat O’Brien’s, who offered some tips on other out-of-the-way places an introvert might dine or enjoy an adult beverage in the Orlando area. I’ll try to review those locations in later entries.)

The first actually quiet area you can find on the property (there’s even music overhead on the way in from the parking lot) is the walking path from CityWalk past Margaritaville and toward the Royal Pacific Resort, Sapphire Falls Resort,  and Cabana Bay Beach Resort. The Garden Walk is accurately named: it’s a quiet walking path bordered with lush subtropical foliage that follows the resort boat shuttle waterway. There aren’t any benches between CW and Royal Pacific, but there are between Royal Pacific and Sapphire Falls/Cabana Bay.

Should you be too tired to walk, there are people riding bicycle rickshaws running between the resorts and the security checkpoints before you enter CityWalk. I’m guessing you have to pay for that service, but honestly I haven’t asked.

Fair warning: the only way to get into the back entrance of Sapphire Falls or the Cabana Bay end of the walkway is with a resort key card. This issue will come up a few times in this entry for obvious reasons. If you’re interested in visiting either of those resorts, you’ll have to drive there.

Royal Pacific Resort

You can get into the Royal Pacific Resort without having to dodge the procedures meant to keep out the riffraff (non-guests). You can enter either through the walkway that leads up to the main lobby or the back entrance that leads to the Pacifica Ballroom further down the Garden Walk. The pool areas for all of the Universal Resorts are only accessible through a guest room key card.

All that said, I like Royal Pacific, though the concept is curious. Imagine if you will an upscale European/Asian resort situated in French Indochina (Vietnam, Cambodia, or Laos) in the 1930s or ’40s. That’s the aesthetic they’re going for, based on the posters on the walls, the statuary on the property, and the music playing in the background.

Like the Disney Resorts, Universal Resorts are less crowded during the day, when the majority of guests are at the parks. The restaurants and saloons are pretty quiet as well. There’s an Emeril Lagasse-owned restaurant there called Tchoup Chop, which is open for lunch (11:30-2:30) and dinner (5-10 p.m.). Another restaurant, Islands Dining Room, seems to be open for breakfast (7-11 a.m. or 7-Noon, depending on the day) and dinner (6-10 p.m.), with breaks in between. The vibe in Islands seems quieter than Tchoup Chop.

Jake’s American Bar is open 11 a.m.-11 p.m. and serves lunch and dinner. Jake’s is less crowded than the hallways, but not particularly quiet. They have live music Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights, so be aware of that.

The quietest, most restful places in Royal Pacific are the lobby lounge before 4 p.m. and the lobby courtyard, which features Asian statuary/fountains and a reflecting pool. It’s hot out there right now, but it works as a place to get out of the way.

Cabana Bay Beach Resort

Again, you can’t get to Cabana Bay via the Garden Walk unless you’re a resort guest with a room key. I have visited the hotel on another occasion, though. Cabana Bay has a distinctly 1950s Miami vibe to it, complete with Jetsons-like interior decor and immaculately maintained classic ’50s automobiles out front. Price-wise, I believe it’s akin to Disney’s Moderate Resorts (Caribbean Beach, Riverside). The campus is somewhat spread out, with has a central building that includes the check-in area, restaurants, merchandise area, and main pool. Again, no pool access without a room key. I was there mid-day (between checkout and check-in times) and found the main building pretty restful with plenty of comfortable furniture and places to get away from the crowds.

Sapphire Falls Resort

As I noted above, you cannot access Sapphire Falls via the Garden Walk to Cabana Bay unless you’re a hotel guest. Not being a hotel guest on the day of my visit, I was unable to enter through the back door. I will have to update this entry at a future point when I try to walk in through the front door. That said, the waterfall out behind the main building was nice. The resort is still partially under construction, with a convention center being added as well as a water park–Volcano Bay–nearby.


I finally visited Sapphire Falls in October by just driving up and parking there. I believe there’s a day rate for valet and a price for overnight, but I’m not certain the valet guy charged me correctly. In any case, have cash handy for that if you just plan to visit. One important thing I learned was that there IS a way to walk to Sapphire Falls from CityWalk without requiring a room key. There is a walkway from the convention center end of Royal Pacific over to the back entrance/boat dock of Sapphire Falls.

The lobby of the hotel is spacious, with some interesting art hanging from the ceiling. The wall art and furniture are trying to capture some sort of Caribbean island feel with some modernistic American thrown in for fun. One thing I appreciated about the lobby is that it’s also pretty quiet. There was some background music (Calypso?) playing but it wasn’t intrusive at all. The far end of the lobby from the entrance has floor-to-ceiling windows with a panoramic view of the eponymous Sapphire Falls behind the hotel. Nice view, and the viewing area had a lot of seating with, again, not a lot of noise.

The lobby restaurant/bar, Strong Water Tavern, has a nice look to it, with hard wood floors and wooden barrels on the ceiling. The bar itself has a couple of good-sized TVs for watching sports and a VERY large-screen TV at the far end for watching the featured game of the day. The place features indoor and outdoor seating and the restaurant appears to be the source of the lobby music because it’s slightly louder there than in the lobby itself. Given the Caribbean riff they have going, I should have picked up on the fact that their featured adult beverages were rum or rum-based. However, I ordered a Sazerac off the menu before I saw the rum menu. Had a caipirinha on round two, and both drinks were excellent.

The menu items are tapas-sized and come from locations across the Caribbean (including the U.S.). The roast pork was good, the sliders were amazing. Despite being “smaller” dishes, they weren’t exactly cheap: items ran $8-16 each, plus the drinks, which ran $9+. All in all, I liked Strong Water Tavern, as the staff was not intrusive on my thoughts and the vibe was very casual. I’m not certain if it was quieter than normal because of the hurricane that had just passed through, but overall the place wasn’t too noisy.

Down the hall from Strong Water Tavern is an amazing, wide spiral stairway that was built to resemble a Spanish castle or fort, with stone walls and framed photographs along the stairwell of various old forts from the Caribbean. At the bottom of the stairwell are some historical artifacts to add to the “castle” feel. A nice, quiet place, but there was nowhere to sit down. At the bottom of the spiral stairway is an elevator lobby with a long bench (good place to catch a nap?) and a hallway leading to another restaurant, Amatista Cook House. I didn’t eat there, but the place seemed pretty quiet. They serve breakfast ($12-18) and dinner ($13-27). They also have a bar off in one corner, away from the tables, which looked like a good place to get away from the crowds. Amatista also has indoor and outdoor seating. Beyond Amatista is the exit to the walkway, which leads you to the boat dock or walkway to Royal Pacific.

On the same floor as the lobby are the fitness facility (Kalina) and the pool area, which you need a room key/card to enter, so I didn’t get a good look at it. However, I did note that they had a movie screen set up near the pool, and one of the Harry Potter films was showing. This is something Disney has been doing at its resorts as well as evening entertainment for the kiddies. The pool area also had a large variety of games and pool toys available, so I guess it’s very kid-friendly. I didn’t get a look at any of the rooms, but what I saw of Sapphire Falls I liked. I did a quick check, and the nightly room rate I got for late October/early November was $174/night. So, not exactly cheap, but not at the top end for this market, either.

As an introvert, I liked Sapphire Falls. Reasonably quiet, with some places to get out of the way.

Hard Rock Hotel

Hard Rock is an imposing, Spanish-style edifice with a red tile roof, white walls, and white marble(?) floors and massive prints of classic rock stars on the walls in the lobby. They have a fountain out front comprising a spiral of metal guitars. I like the aesthetics. However, it’s the Hard Rock Hotel, so needless to say your odds of finding a quiet place are pretty slim. The lobby is spacious with a lot of comfortable furniture, and can be pretty empty outside of check-in/checkout times.

The quietest place I found in HRH was the outside patio of The Kitchen restaurant downstairs, and that’s probably because it wasn’t open when I walked through it. That’s not to say it was quiet. The patio is next to the pool area, and like the Disney Resorts, the Universal Resorts have the recreation employees on megaphones playing games with the kids. The outside patio area upstairs on the lobby level takes you out of the lobby flow, but there’s still music out there, and the pool noise. That’s also where you find the smoking areas.

There are a couple places where you can get clear of the crowds, if not the music. The Velvet Bar plays a different set of music from the lobby, but it’s still rock, and still omnipresent. That said, it’s not too crowded until 7 or so (opens at 5). I like the bar at The Palm even if the food is seriously pricey (think $45-55 for a steak). The staff is great and–important for the introvert looking for somewhere quiet to chill out–low key, meaning they’ll let you take your time ordering and won’t interrupt conversations. Lauren the manager is also fun, as she’ll talk about geek stuff with the enthusiasm of a true fan. And depending on the time of year–such as now–it’s quieter between 5 and 7 than it would be otherwise. Also, a lot of folks go in there just to order drinks before going in before dinner, so there’s a lot of turnover in who’s on the next bar stool.

Portofino Bay Resort

I’ve saved the best for last. Portofino Bay is my favorite of the Universal Resorts, and not just for its aesthetics–northern Italian, multi-colored lodges–but also because of its noise level, or lack thereof. Portofino is by far the quietest, most restful resort on the Universal property. Not going to say it’s 100% quiet, but even the background music–Italian or Italian-American–is not there to knock you over. And Portofino has something that’s almost unique there: public areas without music! One of them is the pool area, which is, of course, guests only. Another is the bocce ball court. Not sure where you get the bocce balls, but I’ve seen them on occasion.

There are a few nice areas off the lobby and the main hallway, some indoors, some outdoors, which are simply plazas for sitting and resting. One or two have fountains. There are a couple saloons where you can get out of the flow of traffic–The Thirsty Fish and Bar American, though they don’t open until 3:30 or 4 p.m. If they let you in, though, you can sit in a quiet area undisturbed. The Thirsty Fish has indoor and outdoor seating, and likewise does not open until 4. Both bars are open until around 10 p.m. The restaurants are good and, like the Disney experience, the more expensive the place, the less likely you are to find small children or infants there.

The main courtyard out back is where the music is loudest, and even so that music can quickly get lost once you walk toward either wing. Portofino also has a walking path that takes you around most or all of the hotel. The walkway isn’t always shaded going around the hotel, but it is quiet and out of the way.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the Garden Walk between Portofino and Hard Rock (you can, incidentally, walk all the way from Portofino to Cabana Bay along the paths, passing by the theme parks or CityWalk along the way). This area is particularly well shaded with bamboo and other shrubbery and includes multiple well-placed benches that allow you to admire the foliage, watch the boats go by, or (my favorite) sit down and read quietly with people walking by only occasionally. That path also features several loops that take you to isolated places near the water and a butterfly garden.

All this is to say that yes, you can find quiet, restful places to restore your overloaded mind and ears while visiting Universal Orlando. You’ll just have to take a bit of a walk.

The Introvert’s Guide to Orlando V: Disney Springs

I’ll get off of Disney property, I promise. Today, however, is not that day.

Disney Springs is one of three places I walk around for exercise regularly. This is because it’s got a circle route with a few optional branches I can take for extra distance or extra quiet. Said walk starts by parking in the back corner of the Cirque du Soleil parking lot (what the street signs in the Disney Springs area now call “Surface Parking”). From there, I can walk in one of two directions on the path that borders the south side of the parking lot: along the Sassagoula River toward Cirque, House of Blues, DisneyQuest, and the rest of the West Side.

Usually, however, I head in the other direction, toward the Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa and the Lake Buena Vista Golf Course.


Speaking of which, do you golf? If not, consider it. Disney has three very nice courses: the Palm, Magnolia, and Lake Buena Vista Golf Courses. Don’t do it just for the physical activity–I personally know very few people who actually enjoy golf–but because you’re guaranteed three hours or so of relative quiet, walking or driving a cart over grassy hills, wooded fairways, and unpopulated scenery. If you want to golf or go to the driving range and just smack the heck out of a bucket of balls, the clubhouse for the LBV course is across the bridge on the other side of the Sassagoula River. If you have your own clubs, you’re better off parking at Saratoga Springs Resort.

Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa and Other Walks

If you’re not into golfing, you can still cross that bridge to Saratoga Springs. From there you have a couple of options. If you’ve got a lot of time and strong legs, you can walk around the Saratoga Springs Resort campus, which is quite extensive (grab a map from the front desk, or consult one of the many public kiosks they have spread around to help the clueless tourist).

My personal favorite walk is along the water, so I’ll walk along the perimeter of the golf course parking lot or through the Saratoga Springs commercial buildings until I get to Golf Drive. From Golf Drive I walk to Broadway, hang a right, and cross a bridge before making my next right and keeping the water in sight. This takes me around the Congress Park lodge buildings and onto the other side of the Sassagoula River. Saratoga Springs has a nice paved walkway that runs all the way to a pedestrian bridge that takes you to east side of Disney Springs (still called the Marketplace, for those of us old enough to remember when the whole area was called Disney Village Marketplace).

Saratoga Springs’ walkway has plenty of benches and a nice view of Disney Springs across the water. (They used to have some rocking chairs on a nice stone terrace that features a fountain, but those seem to have vanished. Why??? Curses!) What I like best about it, however, is that unlike Disney Springs, there is no background music. I’m not precisely certain why commercial entities like Disney insist on having music everywhere in public spaces. Perhaps it’s for theming. Personally, I believe it’s because they know that background music subliminally annoys people, and so they get up and start walking, talking, or shopping just to get away from it. So, fair warning: there aren’t a lot of actual quiet places in Disney Springs, just places with fewer people in them.

Disney Springs Marketplace

There are some sidewalks that go between the stores and what used to be the bus depot. There aren’t any entrances on that side, but there’s less traffic.

The first relatively quiet place you might find is the Lava Lounge, which is attached to and slightly below the Rainforest Cafe. I say “relatively” because it’s a saloon, and those places can get crowded when afternoon thunderstorms or dinnertime arrive.

From there, you can check out the performance stage in the Marketplace. There’s plenty of seating if they don’t have a band or choir performing. My introverted mother also likes the planter in front of World of Disney, looking toward the stage. “Great for people watching” was her exact quote.


Before I get too far afield, I should mention another option when you reach the LBV Golf Course. Instead of crossing the bridge to Saratoga Springs, you can continue on the path that follows the Sassagoula River all the way up to Disney’s Old Key West Resort, which is the first Disney Vacation Club property. Again, depending on how vigorous you’re feeling, you can also walk around Old Key West, understanding that while it is more or less circular in its layout, finding the paths that get you all the way around the circle can be hard to find. If you’re looking for a quick/quiet beverage, the Gurgling Suitcase at OKW is worth a stop.

Another detour you can take away from the crowds at Disney Springs is up Hotel Plaza Boulevard. Disney recently installed some very nice pedestrian bridges with stairs and elevators on each side of the road. I’ve walked up to the TraveLodge, crossed the street, and come back.

An additional detour is to keep walking on the sidewalk across from Disney Springs along Buena Vista Drive. You’ll pass the SunTrust Bank, the Walt Disney World Casting building, and a gas station before you come to Team Disney, the WDW administrative building. There’s a pedestrian bridge there that will take you to the Disney Springs Landing and West Side.

The Landing

There’s a stage area between the Boathouse Restaurant and Jock Lindsey’s Hangar Bar, which is an Indiana Jones-themed saloon (“There’s a big snake in the plane, Jock!” “Oh, that’s just my pet snake, Reggie!” “I hate snakes, Jock! I hate ’em!” “Come on, show a little backbone, will ya?”). I don’t see that seating area used very often and there isn’t a lot of shade, but there are some benches for resting and getting out of the traffic flow.

Jock Lindsey’s and Paradiso 37 both have nice outside seating areas and they’re usually pretty quiet between noon and 4:30 (or until the afternoon thunderstorms start).

There’s a walkway behind Raglan Road and Morimoto Asia that’s not as high-traffic–at least it is now, until they open a new restaurant there soon.

Town Center

This is the new section of Disney Springs, which is chock-full of air-conditioned upscale shops. Not a bookstore to be found. However, they do have a Tommy Bahama and a Sprinkles cupcake place where you can get cupcakes out of an ATM. A lot of the stores you see there you could find at your closest upscale mall at home. It is relatively quiet before 10:30 or 11 a.m. and does have one “street” that is roofed over and seems to be air conditioned.

One fun thing I like in the middle of the Town Center is an Archimedean screw that you can turn yourself to bring up water from a water to a higher-level reservoir to keep the waterfall going.

West Side

If you can’t stand the crowds anymore, there is an AMC Theater at West Side. One side has a dine-in theater, with waiters, much more personal space per seat, and a fairly diverse menu. Catch a matinee. My biggest gripe with the place is the smell of the carpet, which has probably seen plenty of hard messes over the years.

The courtyard (“Exposition Park”) between Starbucks and Bongos Cuban Cafe has Disney food trucks stationed there. It’s usually not too crowded mid-afternoon. From there you can reach the walkway that leads along the Sassagoula River and behind most of the restaurants.

Do you like open-air heights? Do you want to get above the crowds? They have a massive balloon at West Side that’ll help you get above it all. The “Characters in Flight” balloon will take you up to 400 feet for sightseeing, weather permitting. Good luck with that.

Several of the saloons on the West Side can be reasonably crowd-free between noon and 4:30: Bongos Cuban Cafe, the upper-floor patio at Splitsville, and the sushi bar inside the Wolfgang Puck Grand Cafe.

If you just need somewhere to sit and get clear of the traffic, the outside seating area by House of Blues is good and reasonably well shaded. It is somewhat less convenient when there is a concert about to happen or when the afternoon thunderstorms pop up. You have been warned.

The last places I’ve identified for resting are the benches on the west side of House of Blues and the south side of Cirque du Soleil. From there, you can find the pathway to (and around) the surface parking…and your car, if you’ve parked it in the back corner.

Awhile back, someone asked me, “How can you deal with all those crowds on your walks?” My answer was simple: “I’m just walking. I’m not talking to them.”

Until next time…

Introvert’s Guide to Orlando IV: Magic Kingdom Resorts

Unlike the Magic Kingdom Park, the resorts connected to it by the monorail enjoy a lot more quiet areas for you to break away from the crowds. There are three Magic Kingdom Resorts connected to the park via the monorail: Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort, Disney’s Contemporary Resort (both dating back to the WDW property opening in 1971) and Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, which opened in 1988. There is a fourth resort that’s technically in the Magic Kingdom Resort Area and can be reached from the park by boat–Disney’s Wilderness Lodge–however because it is not connected via monorail, it is not quite as convenient to reach. Disney’s Fort Wilderness Resort & Campground is nearby as well, but I’d sooner swim in a Florida lake than go camping again, so you’re on your own for advice on that property.

General Guidance

The Polynesian and Grand Floridian both have central buildings where you can find the monorail/bus station, restaurants, merchandise shops, and front desk/concierge. The Grand Floridian has a five-floor Disney Vacation Club (DVC) building near the main hotel building, separated by a themed pool. The Polynesian just added DVC facilities (Disney’s Polynesian Villas and Bunglaows) as stilt buildings out in Seven Seas Lagoon in the past year. The Contemporary has a 14-story central tower building with a three-story wing on one end and a high-rise Disney Vacation Club property–Bay Lake Tower–connected by sidewalk or fourth-floor covered walking bridge on the other.

All three of the MK “monorail resorts” are considered in Disney’s deluxe category due to their amenities, room sizes, services, and convenience to the park. That means you’ll be paying a whole lot more for your stay when you go there ($289/night and up). The Grand Floridian is the most expensive resort on the WDW property.

The campuses of all three resorts are large, pleasant, and big enough that quiet places to walk can be easily found. The main building lobbies can be relatively quiet, too, as long as you’re there when it’s not check-in or checkout time (roughly 9-11 a.m. and 2-5 p.m.). If you’re a night owl, the areas are always open and comfy furniture can be found easily. I’ll get into each resort’s features in a bit. Each of the MK resorts has its own beach. However, due to a recent alligator attack–the first in 45 years, I hasten to add–they now have rope-net fences at the water’s edge to keep humans on one side and critters on the other.

As my friend Sean put it, truthfully, the quietest place you’ll find in the resorts is your own hotel room, so if you’re staying in a Magic Kingdom resort, you’re set when it comes to finding a place to take a break.


The Contemporary has a walking path to the Magic Kingdom main gate so you can avoid the monorail if you so choose. There is also a walking path connecting the Transportation and Ticket Center (TTC), the Polynesian, Disney’s Wedding Pavilion, and the Grand Floridian. This is useful if you enjoy walking and want to get to the Epcot monorail. In general, the Resort monorail line, which runs clockwise around Seven Seas Lagoon, has shorter lines than the Magic Kingdom monorail. The tradeoff is that the resort monorail stops at Magic Kingdom, TTC, and every resort on the line. The MK monorail stops only at Magic Kingdom and TTC.

There is also a ferry boat that runs from TTC to Magic Kingdom directly. The lines can be shorter during the day (after the park has already opened), but you end up waiting longer for the boats to go back and forth. They’re ferries, not hydrofoils. There are also resort “steamer”-type launches that run from MK to the Poly and Grand (notice my cast member lingo is starting to kick in here) as well as somewhat larger boats that run from MK to the Contemporary, Fort Wilderness, and the Wilderness Lodge.

I probably should’ve noted this when I was discussing Magic Kingdom Park, but the system is rigged against you if you want to take a mid-day nap and you’re not staying at a Magic Kingdom resort/hotel. If you’re taking the buses anywhere, you’re looking at 30-40 minutes to get somewhere: 15-20 minutes (average) to wait for a bus and 15-20 minutes to get to your destination. If you’re using your own car, you’ve got to wait for the monorail/ferry/boat, ride said conveyance, and then get to your car to drive back to your hotel. Factor in that sort of time if you’re going to and from the park more than once in the day.

Now for some detailed introvert time at each resort…

Disney’s Polynesian Village Resort/Villas/Bungalows

The Poly is the only MK Resort with a quiet pool. And by quiet, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have kids there, but you will not have a Recreation cast member on a megaphone trying to get people involved in trivia games and the like. It also has a snack bar and adult-beverage bar.

There is also an outside seating area with a couple of grills in the courtyard between the Pago Pago and Moorea buildings. As long as no one is setting up to use the grill for a picnic, you’re set.

For something different, weather permitting, you can rent one-person speed boats or an eight-person pontoon boat, which I’m pretty certain someone else pilots.

The Poly campus is pretty spread out, so you can walk in and around the buildings and beach, from the TTC to the Wedding Pavilion without encountering a whole lot of people as long as you avoid the main building.

If you want to grab a sweet snack, the Pineapple Lanai just behind the Great Ceremonial House (i.e., main building) has some soft-serve ice cream (vanilla, pineapple, or a swirl). My sister and I have grabbed a shot of Myers’ Rum from the pool bar (main pool or quiet pool) and then brought that over to pour into our soft serve. Just sayin’.

Speaking of adult beverages, the Tambu Lounge, the saloon attached to ‘Ohana (the main restaurant) is nice and quiet from early afternoon until around 4:30 p.m. ‘Ohana starts seating at 3:30, but things don’t really start getting loud (cast members calling groups to their tables) until a bit later. The outside part of Trader Sam’s is pretty sedate, though they do have a guy playing ukelele and singing Polynesian songs once the saloon is open (around 4:30-5). The inside part of Trader Sam’s is…um, not relaxing for an introvert. Cast member singing, lots of “atmosphere,” show/schtick tied to specific, attention-getting drinks, and restaurant fixtures that light up and make noise. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I like the lobby at the Poly. I liked it better when they had a big, frickin’ volcano and waterfall in the middle of it (gave the place some character), but the ground and second floors are nice and cool in the summer and pretty sedate when there aren’t a lot of people hustling about–again, usually between noon and 3 or after 7 p.m.

Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa

Like the Poly, the Grand Floridian has a pretty spacious campus, though much of it is centered around the main building or the main pool and there aren’t a lot of waterside paths to walk around. However, the individual buildings are quiet and well air conditioned. The main lobby is worth a visit just to look up and say “wow.”

Remember that part about there not being a quiet pool? That’s the case at the Grand. If you want to sit outside somewhere and not listen to Trivia Game X, your best bet is the patio outside the quick-service restaurant, Gasparilla Grill. There are also a couple of nice benches down the sidewalk from Gasparilla across from the marina. They’re shaded and a good place to collect your thoughts.

I mentioned the lobby before, but a couple other things: the atrium space is so large, it absorbs a lot of sound. Also, from around 3 to 10 p.m. the people in the lobby are treated to either a cast member playing beautifully on a massive grand piano or a ragtime band that is situated on the second-floor balcony opposite from the entrance. Both forms of entertainment are worth hearing. You can tip the piano player, and he will take requests. There’s also a decent saloon behind the band stand on the second floor: Mizner’s Lounge. It’s open in the afternoon and usually stays pretty sedate. They have TVs there, but they won’t turn them up for your favorite sports game because the band is playing. Fair warning.

Some of the restaurants at the Grand are actually your best bet for finding relative quiet. Like the Epcot resorts, this is simply because they’re so expensive families don’t want to waste the money taking their kids there. The Grand also has the most restaurants and saloons of any single property, except perhaps the BoardWalk. Victoria & Albert’s, the penultimate Victorian-style upscale dining experience, is also the most expensive food and beverage on property. I’ve been there but never eaten there. My dad and bonus mom have been there a few times. They tell me it’s nice, but you do have to make some pretense at dressing up (in a Florida sort of way). Here’s what the Disney Food Blog says:

The official dress code for these restaurants states:

“Men: Khakis, slacks, jeans, dress shorts, collared shirts. Sport coats are optional.
Ladies: Capris, skirts, dresses, jeans, dress shorts.
Not permitted in dining room: Tank tops, swimwear, hats for gentleman, cut offs, or torn clothing. While T-shirts are now allowed, the policy remains that T-shirts with offensive language or graphics are not acceptable.”

Two other restaurants at the Grand fit under this dress code: Narcoossee’s and Citrico’s. Both restaurants have excellent views–Citrico’s of the main pool and courtyard, Narcoossee’s of Magic Kingdom and Seven Seas Lagoon and pretty decent food. Of the two, I prefer Narcoossee’s, for the food, view, and the atmosphere.

And of course the Grand has one feature that is practically wired for introverts: the Spa. It features a variety of massages, facials, mani/pedi services, as well as saunas. It’s expensive. It’s worth it.

Oh, and speaking of the Spa, there’s an outside seating area with a couple grills next to it. Just another place to chill…assuming no one’s grilling…or if you want to be the one grilling.

Disney’s Contemporary Resort

I like this resort the best of the Magic Kingdom Resorts because I’m a science fiction geek, though the Grand comes in a close second. That said, I’m a tad afraid of heights, so the open-air hallways of the main building might be something to think about if you share that affliction. The place is known for having the monorail go right through the building and for having a mural by Pablo Picasso adorning the central column of the concourse (for fun, try to find the five-legged ram, which Picasso added, I’ve been told, because nothing is perfect–Disney was not amused).

In addition to the monorail station, most of the restaurants and merchandise stores are on the fourth floor, so that’s where most of the action/noise is. One place I’ve found that is usually relatively person-free, if not necessarily quiet, is the video game arcade. Same at the Grand Floridian. They get a little busier before dinner time, when parents are looking for ways to keep the kids distracted until their reservation comes up.

One of the nicer saloons on property is in The Wave off the Contemporary’s first-floor lobby. It’s not always quiet, but there are a couple of side rooms off the bar, and the turnover at the bar is pretty fast, as people are usually there to have a drink until their table is ready. If you’re so inclined, try the “Bacon and Eggs” appetizer. Trust me.

Though it’s been years since I ate there, the California Grill on the 14th floor has a fantastic aesthetic and view over Seven Seas Lagoon for watching the Magic Kingdom fireworks. I think the balcony is still open to restaurant guests during dining hours, but I wouldn’t swear to it. That’s a great view, and might be worth paying a lot for very small, artsy portions and California wines.

The Contemporary and the Grand both have convention centers attached. If there isn’t a convention going on during your visit, you can walk through said convention center and enjoy the cool, the quiet, and the aesthetics.

Another quiet area outside is the walking/sitting area between the hotel tower and the Bay Lake Tower. They’ve got benches, lounge chairs, and a fire pit there, which probably gets more traffic in the evening but is quiet during the day.

Disney’s Wilderness Lodge

Okay, as I said before, the Lodge is not connected to the monorail, which almost places it outside this entry. However, it is reachable by boat, as I noted above. And quite frankly, if you’re not staying there, the Lodge is worth taking a side trip to see anyway. It’s gorgeous. Lots of big timber in a multi-story lobby atrium with an artificial river course that starts with an bubbling spring inside the lobby and proceeds through the outside courtyard, connects (theoretically) to the pool area, and then eventually settles down into Bay Lake. interior aesthetics are American Old West: lots of dark colors, Native American artifacts and patterns in the carpets, comfy leather chairs, and a massive stone fireplace and chimney.

Like the Grand Floridian, the Lodge’s lobby space is so big that it tends to absorb a lot of the ambient noise, including the front desk and the main family restaurant, Whispering Canyon. There are seating areas on the second floor, both indoor and outdoor, that allow you to get above the noise and read with few disturbances beyond the occasional other guests in the area.

The quietest place for eating is Artist Point, which is a quite good restaurant with views of the Lodge’s courtyard and waterfall. It’s on the expensive side and so relatively child-free. The quietest place for having an adult beverage is the Territory Lounge, which is probably the place on Disney property that most matches the description “saloon.” Lots of heavy wood, cowboy and Western landscape paintings on the walls, and a couple of massive TVs for watching sports events. When there aren’t games on the place is pretty quiet. It can get crowded otherwise.

Wilderness Lodge has added a DVC section as well (The Villas at Disney’s Wilderness Lodge), which has similar aesthetics and is also quieter than the hotel side.

If you’re walking around the Villas, you might find a map to the walking path that leads you to Fort Wilderness Resort & Campground. I took the path once–it’s maybe a mile or so–before finding the Fort Wilderness bus stop. If you don’t need the bus stop, walk along the path until you see buildings and then head back. The paved path moves mostly through cypress forest, so you won’t get burned too badly in the Florida sun. However, there aren’t a lot of benches or other things to see. This is just a quiet path to get from one place to another with very few other distractions.

I’ll take requests, so if there are parts of Orlando you’d like me to cover next, let me know.

An Introvert’s Guide to Orlando III: Magic Kingdom Park

I was tempted to post, “You’re kidding, right?” Magic Kingdom is the original theme park on Disney’s Florida property. From 1971 to 1982, it was the only park. A larger version of Disneyland Park in California, Magic Kingdom has the most rides, the most fame, some of the longest lines, and the most traffic. If you’re an introverted adult and you find yourself going there, brace yourself. It’s a beautiful place with a lot of fun attractions, but the crowds are huge, loud, and bustling.

General advice

Like I said, Magic Kingdom has the most stuff in it and the largest crowds. If you have the opportunity, try to take on the park using a targeted strategy of some sort to reduce wear and tear on your patience:

  • Use Fastpass for your favorite rides. Really, Fastpass is a no-brainer for all of the Disney Theme Parks, but it definitely makes sense at Magic Kingdom. If you’re unfamiliar with Fastpass, it’s basically a reservation for a window of time to arrive in the queue for a particular attraction. Yes, you still stand in line, but it’s not nearly as long as the time you’d spend standing in the regular “standby” line. While you’re waiting for the Fastpass window to open for your favorite attractions, you can wait in standby lines for other attractions. My understanding of the system is that you get up to three Fastpass attractions per day. (I walk around the parks for exercise, I don’t actually go on a lot of rides when I use my Annual Pass.)
  • Take two days to visit the park instead of trying to do it all in one. Like I said, there’s a lot to see and do, especially if you’ve never been there before. Don’t let yourself get frazzled trying to do everything in a day. If you’re there for a day or you’ve been there before, just hit your favorites.
  • Take a break. This is pretty common practice, going back to when I was a kid and there was only one park. The idea being, you go to the park starting around opening time and do stuff for 4-5 hours. Then, assuming you’re at a Disney Resort, go back to your hotel and take a nap. Or, if you’re not staying on property, maybe just visit one of the Magic Kingdom Resorts and get away from the crowds and the heat. After you’ve rested, you can go back for the parade or fireworks.
  • Watch the parades and fireworks from Frontierland or Liberty Square. The biggest crowds are on Main Street because that’s where they have the most lights and, of course, the clearest view of Cinderella Castle. However, I’ve been able to see the fireworks just fine from the other two areas I just mentioned and sometimes the Castle as well.
  • Ride the attractions during the parades. Assuming they’re still open, the attractions  outside of Main Street U.S.A., Liberty Square, and Frontierland should have shorter standby lines because everyone’s at the parade. Watch the parade or fireworks a different day.
  • Leave before the fireworks start or as they are starting. My introverted father started me on this habit: I leave before the fireworks start. I used to think he was being a spoil sport until I started disliking large, noisy crowds. This is now such a normal part of my Disney habits, I don’t think I’ve actually watched Magic Kingdom fireworks from inside the park more than half a dozen times in 40 years. Instead, I watch them from the monorail, from one of the Disney Resorts, or even the parking lot. If it’s a new fireworks show and I have the time to wait for the crowds to disperse, I’ll watch and wait it out. Otherwise, adios.

Finding an actual quiet spot is a dubious proposition. However, there are a few places you can go where you’re not likely to find as many people or as much population density. If you need a place to really decompress and get away from the crowds, you’ll probably need to leave the park. There really aren’t a lot of “quiet seasons,” as there are at Epcot, which also is not as high-density a park.


The best place I’ve found to avoid the crowds inside MK is actually in Fantasyland, which has the most attractions (the Disney word for rides). There is a small area on the west side of Fantasyland, on the path heading from It’s a Small World toward the Haunted Mansion. It’s actually partially fenced off from the traffic flow and has some benches and tables for sitting. Not a lot of shade, but some. Pull over there and relax.


Sometime in the last few years, Disney added a walkway between Space Mountain and Goofy’s Barnstormer. It runs between the Walt Disney World Railroad and the Tomorrowland Speedway. It has quite a bit of shade, though it’s possible that you have to pass a smoking section.

Liberty Square

Just a guess–it’s been a while since I visited the attraction, but the Hall of Presidents usually doesn’t have a really long line. After all, you didn’t go to Magic Kingdom to get educated or enjoy the quiet, did you? Oh, you did? Never mind. Give it a shot.

Main Street, U.S.A.

Okay, yes, this is the entry area of the park, and so subject to crowds. However, during the day, there are a couple places you might get out of the main traffic flow. As part of a larger refurbishment project they completed last year, Disney added to the number of footpaths and sidewalks between Main Street and Cinderella Castle. This extra walking space does a couple of things: it allows more space for walking around parade crowds as well as for watching the fireworks. However, when there aren’t parades or fireworks going on, some of the side paths allow you to get out of the traffic flow.

There’s also a pathway they added “behind” one side between Main Street and Tomorrowland. I’m not certain if it’s open all the time, but when it is as a traffic flow measure, you can use it to get from the Tomorrowland Terrace area to nearly Tony’s Town Square at the front of the park.


Again, this is a less busy rather than a quiet place, but the Swiss Family Treehouse can get you off the sidewalks for a bit.


Another sidewalk addition Disney added to aid traffic flow is along the riverfront–the walkway is actually a set of wooden piers in the midst of the river. When there are parades going on, the sidewalk eases traffic. When there aren’t parades going on, it’s a speedy way to get from the Splash Mountain/Big Thunder Mountain area to Liberty Square and Haunted Mansion.

Transportation area

The best quiet spot at Magic Kingdom is outside the gate but nearby. Back in the mid-1990s, Disney decided to sell a bunch of hexagonal bricks (around $100 a piece) as a way to fund a walkway that runs in front of the park. It’s hard to find because it’s actually attached to the Magic Kingdom Gold Boat Launch. You reach the boat launch by walking toward the Resort Monorail and then turning toward the boat dock. If there’s no line at the boat dock, you can walk past the boat queue and onto this great sidewalk that runs a good quarter or half mile in front of the park, heading in the direction of the Grand Floridian Resort.

There are a couple benches at the end of the sidewalk, if memory serves, and from there you can watch the monorails and boats on Seven Seas Lagoon go by, but I don’t know if there are any places to sit along the path. There are trees along the path, though, and really just a whole lot less noise. That’s your best bet to find a quiet spot at Magic Kingdom.

I’ll take on the Magic Kingdom Resorts at some point. No, really!

How Coupled People Shouldn’t Talk to their Single Friends

Greetings, readers! I hope you had a pleasant Christmas/Federal Holiday/Day Off. On the whole, my Christmas was quite good. There are always those little annoyances, though, aren’t there? The remarks you really didn’t need to hear. What follows is an extended rant. If you’d like to avoid reading rants, ignore this post.

I’m a longtime-single male, so you can guess which button was pressed: “How’s the dating life?” As it happens, I’m a more private person than most, so regardless of my actual state, I consider this question rude. If I wanted someone to know my social status, odds are good that the magic words girlfriend, partner, lady friend, fiancee, or spouse would drop out of my mouth within a minute of starting the conversation without prompting. Well, for years now my response has been, “I’m single, thanks for asking.”

This is often followed up by an expression of anything from curiosity to sadness to actual horror. Because there’s nothing a single person loves more than being pitied, right? Anyhow, this expression is then accompanied by the usual follow-up question: “Why?”

My honest answer is, “Because I’m happy. Why screw things up?” And if someone pokes a little harder, I might explain that I’m too lazy to court and too selfish about protecting my free time.

I’ve used that response a few times, and usually the snark closes the subject. Others, however, are more persistent, and here is where the rudeness really amps up: “You should…” It’s at this point that the single person on the receiving end is treated to unsolicited advice about what they should be doing with their personal life:

  • You should try online dating.
  • You should get out more.
  • You should join X group/church/organization
  • You should meet my friend X.
  • You should have someone in your life.

The first four suggestions fall under the category of practical advice. As if, at the tender age of 46, I wanted to find a woman, but just didn’t know how to go about it. The coupled person might think they’re being helpful, but here’s the thing: if I or any other single person wanted a partner in life, odds are we’d be doing whatever we could to fix the situation, yes? And if we were serious about about partner-hunting, we might even ask for advice. Again, that assumes that I am seeking someone or that my situation is a problem that needs to be solved. That fifth bullet is merely an assumption on the coupled person’s part: You should have someone in your life. Again, my response is usually, “Why? I’m happy living as I am.”

Admittedly, this is not just an introvert thing, as I have a LOT of introverted friends who have navigated the dating mine field and managed to find someone they love enough to marry. Great! Good for them. This is simply a Bart thing. In the spirit of full disclosure and authenticity, I’ll just say it: I don’t date well. It brings out the worst aspects of my personality, and the problem has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. So that’s out there, thanks for asking.

But let’s get back to the coupled person who’s determined to “fix” the “problem” of the single person. Again, you might think you’re helping, but really, don’t unless you’re asked for helpThe short version of this blog would be: shut up. You have no idea what the life of the single person in front of you is like. Now as it happens, I spent Christmas Day before the above conversation opening gifts I’d bought with a gift card received from a friend, baking cookies, and taking a long walk in the Florida sunshine. I managed all of that on my own and quite enjoyed it. “Oh!” the concerned coupled person might say, “But it would be better/more fun if you had someone to share those experiences with!” Maybe. You don’t know that, and shame on you for assuming so.

I have single friends who have been dumped just before Christmas; who have family members who are convinced they are spinsters and doomed never to marry because they are a particular gender and above a certain age; I have friends who are single parents and so must balance work, family, and a romantic life; I know others who have been burned badly by contentious divorces and others who have been physically abused by previous partners. And then some of us are just happier living alone–it’s not a problem, it’s a lifestyle choice. Bottom line: a single person might have any number of reasons for why they are in that social state, and most or all of them are none of your damn business. If you are unable to contain your curiosity, you might ask what the person’s status is or, at most, why. Once you move from inquiry into the realm of “you should do X,” you are intruding.

Imagine this: I learn that you are married. A horrified (or pitying) expression covers my face, and I say, “Oh my gosh, why are with someone? You should be single! Do you need the number of a good divorce attorney? Do you need someone to help pack your bags?” What do you suppose the reaction would be? I’d be considered rude, and rightly so. So whatever compulsion people have to fix the social state of their single friends, it needs to stop, and it needs to stop being socially acceptable to do so. Some individuals might, in fact, be unhappy with their singularity and wish desperately that it were different. How does poking at that wound help them? Like I said, I’m happy in my current state. What really bothers me is the presumptive and intrusive nature of the inquisition.

Again, back to the short version of “What do you do if you’re in a relationship and you encounter a single person?” Shut up.

An Introvert’s Guide to Orlando, Part II: The Epcot Resorts

Continuing my riff from yesterday, this entry will discuss Disney’s Epcot Resorts.

My friend Sean suggested that the only way for an introvert to enjoy Walt Disney World was to stay in your hotel room. There’s a slight element of truth in that, if you’re seriously into avoiding people. That said, the Disney Resorts are a lot more relaxing–and most of them are less crowded–than the theme parks. The Epcot Resorts are favorites of mine and my family’s because we all like to walk and because they are within walking distance of Epcot itself.

As with the theme parks, the hotel lobbies, restaurants, bars, and pools are all subject to random loud noise on occasion. Don’t like crowds at check-in? Wait until evening. Don’t like screaming kids at the main pool? Visit one of the quiet pools. Go where the noise isn’t.

One thing that I find refreshing and curious about the Disney Resorts is that unlike the theme parks, they don’t have background music playing everywhere. This alone is worth the visit when I go on one of my walks. It’s as if Disney understands that they hyperstimulate everyone at the theme parks, so they try not to do it in the hotels. You can hear background music in the hotel lobbies, but that’s it. The hallways, outside areas, and rooms have mostly human noise. Below is my list of favorite quiet (or less noisy) spots in and around the Epcot Resorts. Again, the goal is to help the curious introvert find places to go, not to bash on the noisy stuff. If that’s you’re thing, go forth and enjoy. Just follow your ears, you’ll find it.

Disney’s BoardWalk 

BoardWalk is half hotel, half Disney Vacation Club. Both the hotel and DVC sides have a quiet pool for those who want to chill out on a lounge chair. On the whole, however, BoardWalk is pretty loud, especially at night. It’s meant to be like an East Coast boardwalk (Atlantic City, Coney Island, wherever), with lots of bright lights, plenty of peppy background music, and indoor and outdoor restaurants. If you plan to stay there and want a quieter room, it’s probably pretty easy (and a bit less expensive) to get a room away from the lagoon (Crescent Lake), where all the action is. On the Villas side, there are water-view rooms that don’t face the BoardWalk. They’re a bit quieter.

Of the restaurants I’ve visited at BoardWalk, the quietest one was the new Trattoria al Forno, which is a pretty big place, and really not too quiet. However, I do give them points for giving me a room toward the back of the restaurant and for apologizing when they seated a large group near me. That said, most of the restaurants there are pretty loud. There is a nice, tucked-away lounge on the second floor (Belle Vue Lounge), but that can get crowded on occasion.

One nice store for the peace-seeking introvert is the Wyland Galleries. These folks feature both marine art (paintings of seashores, sculptures of whales/dolphins), Disney character-themed portraits, and other pieces, usually by a local artist. The artwork is expensive (usually north of $300), but you can get smaller prints for less. I’m not sure how much art they actually sell in a given week, but I’m betting most of the visitors are just there to browse, so browse away!

Walt Disney World Swan

The Swan and Dolphin Resorts are massive hotels, with the Dolphin set up with its own convention center; neither of them is owned by Disney, if that’s a consideration for you. I’ve not stayed at the Swan, though I’ve walked around their property quite a bit. The hallways are usually pretty quiet, as is the convention area, unless there’s an event in progress. Nicest quiet place to visit is Kimonos, their sushi bar. It can get loud, but often isn’t. A tad expensive, but hey, the rooms aren’t cheap, either.

Walt Disney World Dolphin

I don’t think I’ve stayed here, either, though I do recall visiting one or two of the rooms during a convention. I am not a huge fan of the decor–heavy on the pink and teal–but like the Swan it’s pretty quiet in the hallways. I was at a diner there with my sister once. Everything seemed perfectly normal until the staff disappeared. A minute later four or five of them were doing a dance routine in the middle of the floor. A bit random, but there it was. I’ve not eaten in too many places there, but my guess is that the Shula’s steak house is relatively child-free (would you take your six-year-old to a place with $50 steaks?).

Disney’s Yacht Club Resort

The Yacht Club is the gray side of the Y&B complex, with dark woods and a nautical theme in the lobby. I especially like their massive globe in the center. The grounds are well kept and ornamented with flowers and topiaries. They have a couple of saloons worth visiting: the Ale & Compass bar off the lobby and the Crew’s Cup lounge, which is adjacent to the Yachtsman Steakhouse. Crew’s Cup is larger and generally busier, as a lot of people have cocktails there while waiting for a dinner seating at Yachtsman; however, they do have their own menu as well. You might be able to find some quiet Zen time in the Ship Shape Health Club–they have a fitness room and spa treatments.

Yacht Club has two large table-service restaurants: Yachtsman Steakhouse (dinner only) and Captain’s Grille (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). It’s hard to say which one’s quieter based on my experiences at each, though a cast member said Captain’s Grille was usually quieter. The food’s better at Yachtman, IMHO, but more expensive.

Disney’s Beach Club Resort

Beach Club really doesn’t have a quiet restaurant. However, between their hotel and DVC halves, they do have a couple of quiet areas for reading–the hotel-side Solarium and the DVC lobby (I once did a telecon there with minimal interruption). The Solarium can have a TV going, but when it’s not on, there’s just the resort lobby background music.

There are a couple of saloons worth checking out at Beach Club: Martha’s Vineyard, which is a nice, quiet place to hang out during the day (they don’t open until 4 p.m.) and is relatively out of the way. Hurricane Hanna’s is the pool bar by the main pool area, Stormalong Bay. I’m not going to lie to you: this place isn’t quiet. It is next to the main pool, after all. However, the staff is always friendly and their tropical drinks are made well (they have the best rum runner on Disney property). There are only about a dozen seats at the bar, so even when there’s a line, people tend to take their drinks and leave.

And if you just need to get away from it all, the walkway around the Epcot Resorts provides plenty of quiet space. There’s also a separate walkway that leads from BoardWalk to Hollywood Studios. Plenty of leg-stretching room for you running fans, at any rate.

Bottom line: the Epcot Resorts have plenty of spaces–even in the public areas–for an introvert to find some quiet time alone while still providing convenient access to Epcot and Hollywood Studios. Go forth and chill out.

An Introvert’s Guide to Orlando, Part I: Epcot

I admit it, I’m a bit of an oddity: an introvert who lives in one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. I even visit Walt Disney World (and have a Florida Resident Annual Pass for same) on a regular basis. Am I lying about my disposition, or have I found ways to make the place “where the magic happens” suitable to my people-avoiding habits? The latter, I assure you. The fact that I’m a local and an Annual Passholder, however, means that I have more time to scout for potential quiet spots.

What follows are my general and specific thoughts on visiting my favorite part of WDW, Epcot (formerly EPCOT Center or the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow). I’m not going to lie to you and say that Disney is for everybody. I have friends in some parts of the country who are inordinately proud of the fact that they have never visited WDW. So to each their own. This blog is written for those of you realize your introverted tendencies but still have Disney on your “bucket list.” There are ways to enjoy the place and still have fun. No, really. Allow me to ‘splain…

Overall Thoughts for the Introvert Who Might Want to Visit Epcot

Let’s start with the basics, in case you have a bigger aversion to crowds than I do:

  • If you’re allergic to large groups of people in one place, Disney is not for you.
  • If you don’t like standing in long lines (or even moderate lines) with groups of strangers, Disney is not for you.
  • If your idea of “fun” is actively against boisterous socializing and general warm-and-fuzzy attitudes derived from a lot of the sanitized fairy tales The Walt Disney Company has turned into movies, the Disney parks are not for you.

For those of you who are still curious, keep reading.

It’s important to understand that Disney equates loud and busy with “happy” guests. Walt Disney himself was pretty much an extrovert, and he seems to have inspired a generation or two of marketing people with the same ethos. A quiet area or time in the theme parks is considered a problem and an opportunity to fill the space with a new show, event, character greetings, or attraction. Quiet at Disney is apparently a bad thing. So the quiet places I’ve identified here might disappear at some point.

An Introvert’s Approach to the Epcot Theme Park

Rather than talk about the things to avoid, I will concentrate primarily on things you can do so you can keep your vacation time focused.

Let’s start with the best times to visit, which keep shrinking because (as I noted above) a “quiet” time at the parks is considered a BAD THING).

  • Early January (after New Year’s week/weekend) through President’s Day weekend
  • Late February until the start of Flower & Garden Festival
  • Labor Day until the start of the Food & Wine Festival
  • After Thanksgiving weekend until approximately December 18

Note that the Flower & Garden Festival and Food & Wine Festival were events conjured up to draw local visitors during down times, thereby shrinking the potential quiet times. Darn them.


General Note on Restaurants: People with small/young children generally but not always avoid the more formal table-service restaurants because they know how impatient/squirrelly young children get. If your choice is a counter-service restaurant or a table-service restaurant, your odds for a quiet meal are somewhat better at the table-service place. On the flip side of this, counter-service places can be gotten through more quickly, reducing the time spent with a potentially ornery infant/toddler/youth in the restaurant. Where possible, I asked cast members in particular areas for the most quiet or least noisy dining location in their area.


Disney and Epcot are all about providing experiences, so it’s not unusual to see multiple moments of entertainment in the World Showcase pavilions throughout the day. (Remember: quiet is a bad thing. Disney wants you to get your money’s worth, which means as much stimulation as you can handle.) If that’s too much for you–mind you, a lot of the performances are quite good–you might want to pick up an entertainment schedule when you enter the park so you know what’s happening when. If the performances themselves aren’t making noise, they’re at least attracting crowds.

International Gateway/World Showcase

Epcot is divided into two areas: Future World and World Showcase. Most guests enter through the Main Gate, which opens into Future World at 9 a.m. Guests staying at the Epcot Resorts (the Yacht & Beach Club Resorts, BoardWalk Resort, Swan, and Dolphin) enter through the International Gateway situated between the United Kingdom and France pavilions. World Showcase attractions, stores, and restaurants generally open at 11 a.m. Guests might be directed to Future World until 11, but World Showcase really doesn’t get rolling with operations and traffic until after Noon. Traffic from Future World starts to filter back into World Showcase until after 2 p.m. Again, these are generalizations; on busy days, such as during the Food & Wine Festival, World Showcase can be busy as soon as it opens.

Main Gate/Innoventions

Let’s start with the main entrance. There are going to be lines–they’re unavoidable. And once you get through the gate to show your ticket, you find yourself confronted by several planters/benches and beyond those, an array of marble monoliths that I’ve likened to Klingon architecture. They have little one-inch-square etched “Leave a Legacy” images of people that are numbered so the owners can find them later. Regardless, the planters are meant to funnel the crowd forward down a center aisle; however, you can stroll through the monoliths and avoid the butt funnel.

Source: Disney-Pal.com
Source: Disney-Pal.com

Once you get past Spaceship Earth (the big golf ball-looking thing), you have a couple of “escape areas,” on the inner ring of Innoventions: by the Coca-Cola Ice Station Cool on the right and the Electric Umbrella on the left. These are outdoor seating areas away from the traffic flow.

Another set of “quiet areas” you can find–if you either smoke or don’t get outraged by cigarettes–are the smoking areas by Mission: Space, Journey to Imagination, The Land, World Showcase Plaza, International Gateway, between Morocco and Japan, Italy, China, and between World Showcase Plaza and Odyssey Center. I’ve probably been to most of these areas because I have an introverted father who smokes. Disney puts them out of the way for health/aesthetic reasons, but as a side benefit of this out-of-the-way-ness, they’re also relatively quiet.

Much of Innoventions West is pretty quiet, possibly because they’re in the process of refurbishing the area.

The Land

The Living with the Land attraction is pretty low-key and air-conditioned most of the time. It isn’t always quiet, as I discovered today, as a pair of ladies behind me chattered quite loudly behind me most of the time. I’ve also taken the Behind the Seeds tour twice (okay, yes, I’m a geek) to learn more about what they are actually doing agriculturally at The Land pavilion. It’s a nice way to spend an hour or so, and it gets you out of the usual traffic flow for an hour or so.

The Living Seas

By adding a “Finding Nemo” theme to this attraction, Disney has made it louder, more accessible to kids, and thus busier (their goal, if not mine). The upper level, where you’re looking at the fish, is still pretty quiet. And watching fish can be relaxing, yes? Another great place for fish-watching, dining, and enjoying relative quiet is the Coral Reef restaurant. I’ve only eaten once there, however, (sometime in the ’90s), and prices were pretty high. I imagine they’ve gone up since then.


The San Angel Inn (table-service restaurant) isn’t too bad, though they do pack ’em in. The rest of the Mexico pavilion is pretty noisy, including La Cava del Tequila, which should be a quiet, intimate nook of a place but very quickly became a place for adults to hide away from the kids and get a beverage or three. On the plus side, they do have a very large selection of tequila and decent chips and salsa/guac/queso. You can either sit there and deal with the crowds or get a drink at the bar and take it to go.


The Akershus Royal Banquet Hall used to have a pretty nice, understated Scandinavian vibe, though I understand they’ve since added a character breakfast. They’ve also taken out the fun, low-key Maelstrom attraction and are in the process of adding a Frozen-themed attraction. Expect madness when that opens.


The waiting area for the Reflections of China 360 film is usually pretty quiet until 5-10 minutes before a show, as is the museum display featuring the Xian terracotta warriors. The Nine Dragons should be a bit quieter than the counter-service restaurant.


Not going to kid you: like Mexico, much of Germany is loud, especially the restaurant, which includes a lot of participatory singing and a buffet. The wine shop in the back corner of the pavilion isn’t too bad most days, however.


Disney added a wine/cocktail/tapas bar to the back corner of Italy called Tutto Gusto. It can get loud in there, but Mondays and Tuesdays aren’t too bad. There are two table-service restaurants in Italy; of the two, Tutto Italia is the more formal and quieter of the two (per a cast member I asked at Tutto Gusto).

United States

Most of the U.S. area is loud. The American Adventure attraction waiting area is well air-conditioned and can be quiet much of the time, with some quite good paintings on display. However, Disney decided that this was too quiet, so occasionally you’ll find a choir singing American songs from the 17th, 18th, or 19th centuries. On the plus side, the choir is usually good and stately. The attraction itself is all AnimaTronics and a nice patriotic pick-me-up that gets you out of the crowds for ~40 minutes.


Last week I asked a Japan cast member if the Japanese culture was loud or quiet. She replied that “It’s a little bit of both. We have some that’s crazy and some that’s quiet.” So you can find some nice bonsai gardens and a decent museum display, but the bonsai has been cut back (so to speak) from years previous and the museum display has tied historical Japanese culture to Anime and other cartoons to get the kids interested…which, of course, means more kids and more noise. Of the two table-service restaurants, the Tokyo Dining place upstairs is slightly quieter than the Teppan Edo place, which is more of a show kitchen/participatory experience. Tokyo Dining is a sushi place, with both a bar and individual tables, some with a view of the lagoon.


The shopping areas in Morocco don’t get nearly as much traffic as some areas, and are also well-shaded. I have heard that the Marrakesh had belly dancers as part of the dining experience. Haven’t been there, not sure if that’s still a thing. However, they have added a new outdoor tapas restaurant, Spice Road Table, outside by the lagoon. The food’s decent, and there is shade, but you’re at the mercy of the elements (humidity).


My favorite attraction/film in World Showcase is Impressions de France, which is now terribly dated, having been there since the park opened in 1982, but it features a lot of gorgeous scenery and soothing symphonic music. The Chefs de France restaurant was quite good, but pretty noisy. There is another restaurant upstairs, Monsieur Paul, which I have not visited yet, but which I am guessing is more upscale, quieter, and expensive. If anyone has info on the place, I’d love to know. There’s also a fun ice cream/gelato bar in France that allows adults to throw in a shot of Gran Marnier or other adult beverage into their dessert…the place is not quiet, however, nor is much of the rest of the pavilion. The gardens in back are well tended and can be quiet, but only when the park attendance is low overall.

United Kingdom

If there’s no Beatles or other knockoff band performing out back, the gardens in the UK area are nice and quiet. Also, the Rose & Crown restaurant area (not the bar) is comparatively quiet. The R&C bar can go from quiet to loud very quickly.


The stairs/ramp leading to the Canada 360 film are pretty quiet. They’ve replaced the original (again, it was vintage 1982) Canada film with a new version featuring Martin Short. I think they could have done better with another Canadian export–William Shatner, Alanis Morrisette–someone besides Martin Short. But hey, that’s me.

If you get burned out by the number of people at Epcot–and it was inexplicably quiet today, a day in what has been considered peak season–you can always escape through the back door at International Gateway and visit one of the Epcot Resorts. I’ll cover them in another entry.

Too Geeky for D&D

Dungeons and Dragons, the original dice-based fantasy role-playing game, was coming into its own around the time I was hitting puberty. I hadn’t really paid it much attention until invited to the home of a classmate to play the game.

For those unacquainted, D&D is an interactive version of Lord of the Rings, where a group of individuals with self-selected character types (wizard, thief, warrior, etc.) enters a castle, dungeon, etc., encounters strange, beautiful, or grotesque people/creatures, and seeks to obtain treasures or achieve a quest of some kind. The Dungeon Master (DM) talks the group through what they’re seeing as a narrator, and the individuals, via their characters, respond aloud to the described environment. Sometimes they try to fight something; sometimes they try to steal something; sometimes they try to commit sins of a sexual nature (we’re talking adolescent boys–it’s gonna happen). The DM rolls one of several multi-sided dice to determine the likelihood of the character succeeding, and play continues. Once it was explained to me, I figured I could play along. I was wrong.


Yes, it is entirely possible to be too much of a dork to play D&D. I was one of those. Here’s why:

D&D is primarily a collaborative storytelling activity. By age 10–my first exposure to the game–I was already writing stories of my own. Storytelling, for me, was a solitary activity. D&D took too long for me. I was and still am a bit impatient with people. The group needs to get somewhere, and every individual wants to throw in their two cents about where to go and what to do. Mind you, that’s reality. I understand that. And good storytelling has characters with differing viewpoints. However, the act of writing is usually a one-person endeavor. A single author can shape those viewpoints into something coherent and less like a mob scene.

Group dynamics being what they were, I was the newbie in the game (new character, essentially orc fodder for any random creature that might cross the group’s path), and I was probably the least assertive, least popular kid in the group. So I wasn’t allowed to say or do much.

In the adjoining room to where the guys were playing D&D was a pool table. My best friend and I started playing pool and “phoning in” our responses to the game. Eventually the other guys got annoyed with us and realized we weren’t paying attention. At one point, someone called in, “Hey, I’m going to pick you up and use you for a shield!” I said, “Fine, go ahead!” My character died, I won the pool game. I consider that a fair trade.

I tried the game a couple other times, once at a friend’s house, once in a gamer’s group. My brain was just not wired to work in someone else’s story. I had my own stories to tell, and they were usually set in space, not some medieval castle. Come to think of it, that also might have affected my interest in the game. There were kids at the time who got so into it that they got addicted to the experience or even killed themselves over a negative outcome in the game. My mother, a bit of a worrier, asked me about it. I reassured her that I would never get to that point because I was no good at the game. Ditto with video games. Sometimes social ineptitude and poor eye-hand coordination can be a benefit–who knew?

Looking back, I can see that this was really an introvert problem. Again, storytelling was a private activity for me. It allowed me to assert myself in a way that didn’t require me to out with my peers. (Indeed, fiction was a way for me to overcome that very problem.) I got to make the decisions, tell one cohesive story, let my point of view win the day, and wasn’t being shoved around by others, verbally or otherwise. Fiction reading and writing are excellent escapes for an introvert, as they allow the individual to either concentrate on another world or create his/her own with (ideally) minimal interference.

I’ve heard some of my friends say that D&D helped them with their social skills. Good for them. That was not a good social outlet for me because of the dynamics of the situation and because of the way I incorporated fiction into my life. If we had just been there to talk about Lord of the Rings, I probably would have been fine. However, when it comes to collaboration, I’m better at real-world, task-oriented activities (I at least learned that much). But please, let me tell my own geeky stories on my own.